Hello internet! Long time no see, it least on the personal parts of my life. I honestly was just itching to make an Ultra Rupture by Slave.V-V-R themed page. So I made this. I've been listening to Slavevvr all day. Aghhhhhhh.... It is currently 2:01 PM. I am at school in my 7th period history class. Today is just a chill day, so we're doing whatever. So, what's happend since my last blog post? I've bleached and dyed my hair orange and I look great. I've also finally have gotten comfortable with my boyfriend. Usually it takes me a little longer to leave my shell, but instead of cracking it, he seemed to have just like. Slowly boiled it until it was perfect. It's very hard for me to openly express my affection for others for a multitude of reasons, but I've realized thats a bad way to think of things. I have been trying to work past that. On top of that, I've finally gained the confidence and support in my life to get over my fear of people. So, I've begun to start actually socializing more at school, and I'm starting to find out I'm actually quite well liked! I've also made a lot on new friends through my boyfriend, and it's very nice to be in another friendgroup outside of my little 2 person one. Makes me happy. I think younger me would be quite surprised over how far I've grown. In my last blog, I'm pretty sure I was being a downer. But, I've since changed for the most part. Around the end of January, I had a small mental breakdown, and during that moment the only thing I wanted was to just. Stop and calm down. And I couldn't think of anything that would make me feel better. And then I remembered. I decided to read Kenji's speech from Bungou Stray Dogs: Beast, and then it finally made sense to me. The friends I've lost, and the people I've lost, and the parts of me that I've lost, all gave their best half to me so that I could keep putting my best half forward. After that I got super fixated on Kenji as a character. I decided that things in my life may be bad, but theres always a good half to everything that happens. There's something positive to be seen in literally everything, no matter how bad. And being nice, being kind, is the best way to live because you can completely change someones life by just doing that. By just being kind, you change your own life too. 11 year old me would've wanted someone like this in their life, so I hope to be that for someone so they don't have to go through all the torment that I inflicted on myself too. So, I've lived by these sentiments for the past month and I can say with 100% certainty my life has gotten better. I love being kind. I love seeing people smile, I always have. But I didn't realize how much nicer people are to you if you're also nice. I've never been mean, but I've mostly just stayed in my own little bubble. But now, I'm out socializing and hanging out with people I usually never would. And it's crazy that I never have, because these people are absolutly amazing. They won't see this, but special shout-outs to Camilla, Lily, and Rebekah! I don't know them the best in my life, but they've been amazing to hang around. Without them, I probably wouldn't have realized that the entire school wasn't against me and I was in fact just an anxiety-ridden teenager. They're all funny, and they're so so kind. And talented too. Ah.
Change of topic now. What have I been working on? Well. I've been working on my final performance for my school. If you've been following my blog for a long time, you'd know that I always always ALWAYS perform at my school. Usually my favorite rock songs. But this time, I'm doing something different. This is my final performance before I change schools, and a lot of people are expecting something big. So, that's what I'm doing. I'm working on singing Red Riding Hood's Wolf by Kikuo. I'm also going to dance to it, and make an animation to be displayed for the background. I've promised my principal that this will be the best performance he has ever seen at a school, or at least the best he's ever seen from me. And I don't plan on breaking that promise. Before this perforance, I'm going to do a smaller scale one too where I play an Alex G song. I've been requested sooo many times to do a cover of an Alex G song, and I was like. Ay. I might as well. It will most likely be Mary though, because although it's the most popular, I have so so so many memories attatched to that song that I can't imagine picking another one. Also the guitar part is rad. Anyways. Class is about to end, and I don't have much else to write. It has been a really nice last few months, and I really want to write more. I just get so busy. Ahhhhhhh. Goodbye Neocities!!
UPDATE: THIS GUY THAT I ABSOLUTLYT HATE IN A GRADE BELOW ME JUST HAD A SEIZURE? THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS ON LOCK DOWN BECAUSE OF IT NOW???? I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO BE HAPPY OR SAD OR??? I KIND OF HOPE HE'S OKAY BUT KIND OF NOT? WILL KEEP YALL UPDATED!
5 hours later!! So. He did in fact have a seizure, and he is luckily okay! I was feeling pretty bad and a little guilty for being happy. BUT then one of my friend said "Why do you feel bad? He would've laughed if you were the one having a seizure." And then I just realized. Like oh. Yeah. I don't have to feel bad for someone whos wouldn't feel bad for me. I've actually also had a seizure at school but it was actually a focal seizure, so nobody but me knew what happened since I didn't report it. In retrospect, I should've, but I didn't. Of course, I'm happy he's okay though. Weirdly enough, I was really really worried. As far as I know, he's completely okay. He recognized his surroundings and the people around him, so hes fine. I don't have much to say other than something my friend said in relation to this.
"imagine being such an asshole to someone (cal) that god decides to invoke his wrath onto you (seizure)"