Last night, I finished reading Bungou Stray Dogs Beast. And wow! Just wow! I want to hang myself now! It was really good but really really really sad so buuuh! When reading through like the original Bungou Stray Dogs I never really payed much attention to Atsushi's blatantly obvious C-PTSD, or like. how similar he is to me. But lord bruh beast atsushi is literally me i am him !!! he is just like me fr!! every single panel he was in felt like a personal attack. anythways. i stopped taking my meds recently. i decided that i just dont really care enough to take them. over all of fall break (a week and a half) i only left my house once, and only left my bed like a few times. I got up to piss and get water and thats literally it, i wasnt even eating. i dont need to anyway, i wasnt hungry. i ate like 2 or 3 meals anyway, thats enough to keep me alive for like a month. it makes me so mad when people act like thats an eating disorder though. its obviously not. im not "skipping" meals for the sake of not being fat, i just dont care enough to eat. to much work, i just want to sleep. it pisses me off even more when people act like this is a depression thing. im literally fine, and im fairly normal. i mean. im not depressed im just a little spunky and have my own way of doing things methinks. do i sound delusional. i feel like i do. whatever. i relapsed a few days ago. well not really a few days ago. i did a few days ago and then just gave up on doing it again. i mean s/h not substances. i mean. if i had the means to, id definetly get high as balls on benadryl or something, but i cant. im dirt poor right now. i also went to a pride event in my area with a local furry group and it was fun. im not a furry, but i followed my furry sibling around. i was just in full trad goth. but we went to this pizza place after, and this old white guy took one look at me and my sibling, looked at his daughter and then said "i shouldve brought my rifle." like HUH ??? i was laughing so hard it was so funny ong... anyways. uhm. uhhhhhm. i dont know. i dont think ive been doing too well lately. i just feel like crap but i cant bring myself to care. i just want to take a nap ugh. its like 8:36 in the morning right now. i had to wake up at 6 for school and im just so UIDWHIUSFDHIDUS! i went to sleep at like 11 or 12 too. my mom keeps telling me to go to sleep earlier but like im never tired at the right times. either way, she'll always find something to be mad about, so i'd rather her bitch about me having a terrible sleep schedule than her going back to bitching about how much of a fuck of a son i am. oh right. i probably shouldve talked about that earlier. i think im trans. no. not think. i know im trans. i have known im trans. for a couple of years now. but i dont really want to come to terms with it, so i shoved it as deep down as i could. so im still sort of an egg. ill say im a guy even though im afab, ill use he/him, but im not saying im trans at all. im so tired i want to take a nap but im at school right now. ugh. does anyone even read these? who am i writing these for? i think i started writing them so i could get a better concept of time, but i cant quite remember. maybe i did it because everyone else had a blog? i dont know. well this is embarassing. and awkward. uhm. gnarp gnarp !!
The other day, I finished watching Bungou Stray Dogs. Like the anime, not the manga or the beast manga. im still catching up with the manga. i also started to read the dazai and chuuya age 15 manga, its pretty good. uhhhhhhh. i really like bungou its really good. i think the manga portrays the characters a lot better, Bones fucking hates all of them, but the anime was still good. dazai in particular was a reall big victim of this. the manga makes dazai trying to kill himself an absurdity, and its funny because its absurd. but the anime is completely different. they make dazai trying to kill himself the joke, like haha this guy wants to hang himself lets laugh with him! lets laugh with him because this character doesnt see it as a big problem, so it probably isnt!! jesus bones really misunderstood his character. im not even the biggest dazai fan, but i hate how bones did him. and Bones also made Mori a lot less funny. anywho. i think thats all i have to say for today so far. ill probably add to this later.
hey its me future Mako!! wowwowwow! i just came here to rant again lol. nobody even reads these and if youre like, the only person ever who does, then you get the pleasure of reading me rant about bungo! again! im sure this is getting boring but im like really really autistic so eh. i love kyouka so much shes such a cutie patootie. shes also written soooo well. i feel like if shehad spotify shed like. only listen to angry emo music. like mccafferty and the front bottoms and stuff. she is female rage tbh. shes one of us though like fr, i just know her sleep schedule is jacked up. she is literally the autism creature.